Mom was right. Life did go on. I just needed to figure out what I could do to make it go on a little better for us, Dad in particular.Bev and I went into our room and Vicky slept by herself. I would have given the OK if she wanted to come in with us but she just went straight to bed.We just held each other. After a while, I felt a tear fall on my chest."What's up?" Oh, there's just so much. I know my father was a shit but I can't believe he'd just disappear like that, thinking he could pay me off. And now there's a family I don't even know living in my house, on my ranch. I know I haven't had anything to do with it or Jimmy or my dad for a long time but it still feels like it's been taken away from me."And now it looks like my new dad could be taken, too. He and I got along good when I was just Vicky's friend. He always teased me because I was his daughter's best friend. But that night they took me to the hospital, when Jimmy attacked me, it all changed. He told me he'd take care of. He never acted like I was a girl, but he didwink at me a few times, and that was almost as bad! Something had comeover me, and like a bad cold, it was taking control of my life. Allweek long I kept to myself, and never did dress at home. Mom tried tocoax me into it a few times, but I refused, because I knew somethingshe didn't. I liked it a whole lot more than I was willing toadmit...even to myself sometimes. By the time Friday arrived I wasliterally an emotional wreck. To be a girl, or be myself was thequestion. I felt torn in two directions at once, and I had no answers.I had never once in my entire life dressed up as a girl until momsuggested it, yet when I saw myself that first time, it was as if alight went on. Now, as I slowly drove home, I wondered if this wouldhave happened earlier, say when I was twelve, if I had dressed up thenthat is.Last Saturday I had willingly dressed myself up to look real nice,shocked my dad, then kissed my best friend, all without the.
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