It would be the first time that I could see how I looked when I was on a dare. However, I also would make sure that at the end of the dare, I would get the tape, so I could destroy it. Well, that was the plan I had at that moment, but ultimately, I didn't destroy the tape, and I have even recently transferred it to a DVD, and it is nicely hidden somewhere in my DVD collection. That's why I can tell the time to you guys further on into the story, because it was registered on the tape, and I watched it before starting to write down this adventure. And I can tell you, my current girlfriend laughed her ass off by times.I had been looking forward to this dare, during the last few days. It would be the first time, that I went out in a public place, where I would let people do whatever they wanted to me, except fucking me of course. I hoped that I could win this bet from Illiana, because I sure wanted to be in command over her once.We used our bicycles to go to the park, and once we were. You have been branded into my soul in a way that I don’t understand. If this was 1998, and I was merely engaged, I could throw everything away that I had at the time. I would take the risk. I would shed myself of everything for one more chance with you. A part of me wants to smack me for feeling this way. I linger over the sensation that I can still trust you with my whole being, and the sensation that it is the right thing to do. I am living a lie. Everyday that goes by, I know that I have only hastily tried to patch my world together and keep moving forward, but that I am carrying a flame for someone else. Even if you are secretly laughing at me, I’ve been warned before that I am not truly happy with the one who loves me. I am safer in this world to stay with him, though. The logical thought that I am wrong about the things I feel for you interferes with my desire to take a leap of faith. Faith in true love. Faith in a loving God. Faith that as I have wished – that we would someday.
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