I admitted I knew that all women’s breasts were different and it was in reality the woman herself that was important and not her body. My Nan was pleased with my answer and asked me if I could keep a secret and I told her I could; she then opened her dressing gown and exposed her bare breast to me. Yes, her breast, it turned out she had Cancer (although told me at the time it was cured; but wasn’t!) and had to have a breast removed a few years back, but asked me if I thought she was less of a woman without her boob. Of course, I told her she was still the “Best Nan in the world!”Seeing her breast and her telling me that her Cancer had gone remained a secret forever, but that wasn’t the last time I saw her breast. A few years later when I was around 21-23yo, my Parents had a caravan near where my grandparents lived and on this particular weekend my Grandfather got taken into hospital and my Nan could not drive, so I decided to stay at the caravan and pop round to my Nan the following. ” I saw pleading in his eyes. He had no idea what came next.“Everybody take your cantaloupes,” I announced, holding two hands up like they were cradling a six-inch sphere. “Chomp ... chomp ... chomp ... chomp,” as I pretended to eat the imaginary fruit. I spit out the seeds “Ptooh ... Ptooh ... ptooh.”I held the fictional lemon up on three fingers. “And now the lemon.” I slurped the fruit up and contorted my face into the sourest look imaginable. Karl and I took our seats to cheers and applause.“You could have warned me you were changing it up,” Karl whispered as we headed for our seats.“It’s fun to riff up there,” I countered. “You did great, Karl.”Carter and Christopher agreed with me. They praised their dad’s performance. Noah and Connor congratulated me too, but with a little less enthusiasm. They were used Will, Kyle or me making fools of ourselves at Boy Scout camp.Jon Miller did announcements before the last set of awards. The final announcement caught my boys’ attention. “Pack.
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