And the worst part of it isthat I lied to my mom, who raised me and has always been my close friendand confidant! The tears were flowing as I began to pray about what todo. Just then I wished I was back home in my mom's old church, listeningto the choir and feeling all is well with the world.Oh how I wish I could be there right now.Then I heard someone coming down the stairs, and knew that Ms. Jenniferwas coming back into the living room. I had no idea or energy to try anddeal with her right now and whatever revenge she had in store for me."Beth, are you okay?" was what she said to me. All I could do was simplyrest my head on her shoulder and cry for what seemed like a really longtime.I truly felt like I was teetering on the edge of a knife, with any slightmovement whisking me away to life as a man again or life as a woman forall of eternity. Again I was feeling so vulnerable and unsure of mosteverything. Most of all, I was afraid. Afraid of being me, whateverexactly that was.And. If it can make Person A fall in love in Person B, and make Person C no longer exist at all... is there any reason we should believe it can't make Person F look like Person D?" So he... but why? Why would he do that?"I sat down again. "I don't know." I sighed. "I have a suspicion that very little of what he said happened after they sent you home actually happened. And I think that somehow, he needs you back there. I don't know why, and I don't know exactly what we're going to find, but he's so eager to get us all on the road to Ithaca that he practically peed in his no-doubt unfamiliar panties." So we just won't go!" Lauren almost yelled.I looked at her sadly. "Lauren," I said, "that would work just fine for me. But..."She looked down. "Oh," she said in a considerably smaller voice."Right — we have no way of getting you back to being you unless we go. If we had any way to find the machine on our own, I might ditch Victor-Victoria out there and go on our own. But we don't. So we have.
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