" Why not?" he asked, confused."Because you know the truth! For four years, you've had a crush on an illusion! A fake, a fraud, a girl who hides behind anything she can get her hands on!" Let me ask you a question," he said. "When you cried on my shoulder yesterday, was that a fake?" No. Not even a little bit," I admitted, very softly."And what I saw in your eyes during it? And that kiss yesterday afternoon, were those fakes?" No." Look, long-distance crushes are by nature based on illusions," he pointed out. "But I always knew what you were," he said with a lopsided little grin. "You're sweet, you're kind, you're fun to be with. The only thing you were faking was you were hiding your vulnerability. I figured that out yesterday morning, when I undressed you. You're a lot more vulnerable than you let on. I don't mind that, you know. It makes you a lot less intimidating." I'm scared," I whispered."You think I'm not? You think this is easy for me? I'd be half-ready to piss my pants, if I. He looked around the apartment. It was pretty clean. He tried to guess whether she’d come inside, gauged the chances, and decided to try to get ready for the possibility. He straightened some things out on the kitchen counter, gathered up books and magazines into a stack. He had a sudden thought and rushed to the bedroom. He felt under the pillow for the M9, popped the mag out, locked the two things in the closet fire safe, then made the bed. He thought about whether he had condoms, then laughed at himself: that wasn’t going to happen. He threw on a pair of shorts and a clean t-shirt, Converse. In the bathroom he checked himself in the mirror and sprayed some cranberry-smelling crap his sister had given him. He felt vulnerable, awkward and stupid in the clothes, but he guessed he looked decent enough. Then his doorbell rang. She really had been right around the corner. He muttered, ‘Shit.’ and looked around the apartment. It looked okay. It was okay. It was okay. He went down the.
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