My husband passed away last night."The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" That he did, Father."The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"She says, He said, "Please Mary, put down that damn gun."And the Best for LastA drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"This one is compliments of Gary ... with thanks... Gentle thoughts for today.Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.A penny saved is a government oversight.The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at. Being in the water, feeling it moveacross his skin, was one of the few joys in hislife.He moved to a starting block, and dunked hisgoggles. He drained the water and placed themover his eyes, pushing until they were stuck inplace with suction. His graceful fluid form doveinto the water with a minimum of splash. He cutthrough the water smoothly, fluttering his legsbehind him. When he finally broke the surface,he started into a breaststroke, taking care tokeep good form. He swam sixteen laps beforeclimbing out of the water. He swept his hairback and pulled off his goggles, heading back tothe locker room.He showered, never looking at the other folks inthe open shower with him. He just didn't feellike scoping anyone out. Then he dressed andheaded over to the gym. The cheerleaders werejust finishing. He watched Lisa Cross as shepacked her pom-poms into a duffel bag."Hey Lisa!" he yelled, waiving."Hey cutie! What's shakin'?" she asked, hernormal exuberant self."Nadda. Just did some laps. My.
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