My first sexual experience as a girl had exhausted me and I was nodding off as she spoke. I vaguely recalled her releasing my wrists and wiping my sweated brow. In the morning all the nurses smiled knowingly at me but wisely no one mentioned my self exploration. I really felt guilty. I had learned that girls could and did masturbate. Much to the chagrin of my boyishness I had discovered that sexual orgasms as a girl were a lot better than the sex I enjoyed as a guy.By the end of my stay I'd unconsciously begun to think and act like a girl. I guess it was a combination of the female hormones forcing my body into female puberty, the realization that I had forever and irrevocably lost my manhood, theglut of girlish books and magazines that were the only things I was allowed to read, and everyone constantly treating me as if I were a real girl. I felt miserable. One minute I was detesting what had happened and became indignant and belligerent over my lost masculinity. Then suddenly I'd. They took his plastic deferentially and gave him the room at the end of the corridor that he requested. And the one next door, for his "friend" who'd never arrive; I wanted privacy. They also directed him to the restaurant, where he sat down to his first decent meal—not great, of course, but acceptable—since that dinner in Rockville two days before when he was somebody else.By the time I got back to the room I was feeling expansive. It was in that mood that I called Lisa."Jackie, I'm so glad!" she said as she picked up. "Darling, are you still OK?" It was the first time she'd ever called me "darling." I'm good, Lee," I said easily. I had to be careful, Ashley or his people were still listening and I couldn't overdo it. Not yet. "I can't say much else right now, but I'm good. And I love you." Me, too, Jack," she said. "But I'm still worried about you."Lee had a level head, it was one of her biggest attractions for me. "Quit worrying, love," I told her. "I'm starting to see my way.
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