But why do I feel this is just a rationalization to excuse my actions? Am I just trying to convince myself?Week 8I really miss my friends. In the beginning, the totally exclusive, utterly secretive nature of my affair was one of its biggest appeals. It's was the two of us against the world and I did relish that bond. But I want to talk to someone, and now I have nowhere to turn. I know that even telling my best friend will put her in a bad position, and could possibly put the affair at risk. So I stew quietly and feel so very, very much alone.Week 12Damn this affair is Expensive!Fancy dinners, faraway hotel rooms, sexy lingerie, trusty babysitters, personal training sessions ... my cheater's tab is getting out of control. The 4 star hotels have been replaced by Motel 6's and backseat trysts in parks. The fancy dinners where we might be spotted are now a thing of the past.And because of that pesky paper trail business, most of it has to be taken care of in cash. I never thought I would. Today, Rachel thought to herself, was the last day of finals. Everyone else is out celebrating. And what am I doing? Sitting here. . . Still. Rachel sat at her usual study station, tucked away in a corner of the stacks that almost no one found unless they already knew where it was. Spread out on her station were things that Rachel never left her room without: her journal, paper, pens of various colors, and a novel. From a very young age she had learned to appreciate the potential that a blank piece of paper held. Whether it was writing or drawing or anything really, she loved all of the possibilities. Sometimes she would just doodle on a sheet of paper and tuck it between library books with the hope that someone would find it and enjoy it or maybe even get inspired. Slowly, she began packing her things back into her messenger bag. In went the tools that had helped to shape her childhood followed by the textbooks that had tormented her all semester. The last thing she put away was.
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