I followed her to the door and watched her get in her car, as she backed out I head her toot her horn. I walked out on the porch to see why. I saw Ann picking up her morning paper at the road just she my wife passed her. Ann looked over to me and waved , I waved back and then she yells out across the yards " Is she going to fuck that guy I set her up with"? SHIT I thought...you loud mouth bitch!! I just nodded and walked back in the house. Damn does the whole neighbor hood have to know my wife fuckes around ? I put the TV on a music channel and cleaned the house , when I was about done I saw we where out of tile cleaner so I had the idea to go get some at Kroger. As I turned in I saw my wife's car setting way up in the corner where no one ever parks. As I was leaving I drove pasted and stopped , I don't know why. I looked in it and there on the seat was a pair of painties . I thought I hope these aren't the ones that should be holding my pie in place. Just as I started to get back in. I was in a uniqueposition to answer it. I was James. Yet, I was also Bess. Was I moreBess than James now? Clearly, I felt that I was.Nevertheless, I decided I would put myself to the test so I cleared mymind as best I could and focused only on the single issue of motherhoodwith all the scrupulousness, all the strictest standards of integrity towhich I could hold myself. It is agonizing for me to be self-critical,and I normally do my best to avoid it. But in the end my conclusion wasI would have a baby.There must be, however, certain conditions already in place. I had totruly love the father, and, equally important, the father must trulylove me. I would not give birth to a baby born of rape and would turn mycase over to the women who knew the secret ways of dealing with anunwanted pregnancy.I would not give birth to a child born out of incest. I would not usepregnancy as a contrivance to separate a man from his gold. But I wouldgladly give birth for love?s sake, even if my life were.
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